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After the Abusive Relationship: Psychological Healing Insights for Domestic Violence Survivors

healing from an abusive relationship by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
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"Nothing has meaning other than the meaning we give it." You may have heard this before or some variation of it.

The essence of this statement is "what we see is that which we project." You see we can't see that which didn't at one point reside within.

Background Rationale for the Insight

Deepak Chopra use to site the following research, which says it so nicely. There was a group of cats who where placed, from birth, in a room with horizontal lines covering the walls . . . all four walls of this room. The cats sensory neurons assimilated horizontal lines. Period.

Subsequent to this development, the cats were placed in another room in which there where chairs situated about. And the cats walked right into the legs of the chairs. They couldn't see the vertical lines as this neuro-sensory path had not been established within them.

We see that which is already within us. That's all we can see. The reason we see what we see is because it is indeed within!

If the meaning we give something truly originates from within, our experience will drive the way we process the world, how we take it in . . . .the meaning we give it. This is the essence of psychological "projection."

Application of Insight in Daily Life

When I would go through all the self-protection "cloak-and-dagger" routine, I used to get angry with myself and still to this day if I see even the slightest remnants of it, the ordeal actually sickens me. Why? Because of the meaning I give all this behavior and the feelings associated with it...that being I was a "battered woman." I'm "protecting myself from the potential onslaught of another."

Yet, when I take an article that is on my MAC and email it to myself so I may pick it up on my PC where I do all of my web design, I don't get that sickish, angry, pathetic feeling.

Oh yea, it might be a hassle. But it's how I've learned to adapt to spyware, adaware and computer viruses. I made a decision over a year ago that I would separate my work product from the Internet.

And my mindset is occasionally: this is a hassle, but never that "yukie" feeling--even though I'm "protecting myself from the potential onslaught of another."

Bottom Line Best Nugget of Wisdom

Nothing has meaning other than the meaning we give it. Think about it. Now the best part of this insight is that we get to choose our thoughts.

For more information on healing from domestic abuse, I invite you to check out Psychological Healing for Domestic Abuse where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

©2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

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Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Abuse and Recovery
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healing from an abusive relationship

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