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Mending the Fence between a Mom and Her Teenage Daughter

by Dr. Cheryl S. Guy
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Mending the Fence between a Mom and Her Teenage Daughter

Teenage behavior is as unpredictable as the bathrooms you have to use in gas stations, fast food restaurants, and rest stops along I- 10. Some are pretty dog-gone nasty.

"The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter you Actually Like" with Dr. Cheryl Guy

Why is it that when our girls are little, we put bows in their hair, but when they become teenagers, we find ourselves wanting to tie them around their necks? Or is that just me? I don't think so.

Do you ever think that her demonstration of mother love is far less than your demonstration of daughter love in your home? That is the mother and teenage daughter love dance. We often times have our toes stepped on. I hope you will find encouragement in knowing that we all go through that.

Mending the fence between a mother and daughter can begin anytime you choose. Teenage behavior and its unpredictable ups and downs will always be the case. This would be especially true if she suffers from O.D.D. (oppositional defiant disorder) or bipolar disorder. Even as unpredictable as our daughters can be, Mom can begin to be the predictable one in the relationship though. She can allow her daughter to rest in the knowledge that no matter what her mistakes have been, the love for her daughter will never change. That is so comforting to me. I love saying that to my children. Their eyes light up with a sense of security knowing that they are accepted just the way they are and they are not required to be perfect in order for me to love them. I may not love their behavior or actions, but I will always love them.

I also appreciate and seize each day as another opportunity to be a better person than the day before. Mending the fence between a mother and daughter requires the barriers of guilt, shame, and disappointment to be broken down. There are only so many times you can tell your daughter she messed up. Don't you think she knows that? Teaching her how to not make the same mistake again in love will yield greater results than continuously reminding her of her mistakes in anger. One has the ability to draw the person closer in while the other has the tendency to push away. If you as a mother know there needs to be changes in the relationship between you and your daughter, but you have no clue how to go about making it work, join millions of mothers all over the world. You are not alone! We tend to resolve problems and conflicts the way our mothers taught us. Working through problems calmly and rationally is either going to feel natural or unnatural to you. Chances are if it comes naturally, your mother may be the one to thank.

Regardless of how you were raised, you have the power to connect with your daughter. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and be honest with her about them. Listen to her as she shares her strengths and weaknesses. Learn to keep each other more balanced and strive to rebuild a sturdy fence between the two of you. Broken fences are as useless as tits on a bore hog. They serve no purpose, so get out there and start mending yours today! She is absolutely worth it and so are you Mom.

Dr. Cheryl Guy is author of “The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like” & Creator of the Relationship Renewal ProgramsTM . To learn more about her, her programs, services or to receive her FREE award winning “Parenting the Teenage Daughter” newsletter, visit her site at

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Dr. Cheryl S. Guy
The Teenage Daughter
Dr. Cheryl S. Guy's web site

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