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By Dr. Linda Miles

On a piece of paper, in a notebook or in your journal answer the following series of questions. Do this to learn about yourself and your relationship, but you can also suggest that your partner do the same. You can do this on a yearly basis, say January 1st every year.

Exercise Number 1

Do you recall the beginning of your relationship, when you first fell in love?

Describe your behavior.

Describe your partner's behavior.

Too often in a long-term relationship partners stop the very behaviors that connected them with one another in the first place, but transcendent reality.

Some common examples are: Do you remember looking deeply into one another's eyes?

Do you remember how easy concentrated attention was?

Do you remember those compliments and gifts, etc.?

What do you do that is the same?

What do you no longer do?

What has your partner stopped doing?

What behaviors would you like to restore to your relationship?

Exercise Number 2

What behaviors bother you most about your partner?

Are these issues similar to issues from your past?

If so, what part do you play in implanting the negative behaviors in your partner?

How could you change your behavior to encourage a more positive response?

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D

Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a Doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and numerous CD's, that Train Your Brain. Dr. Linda Miles

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