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Domestic Violence Recovery -- How to Know if You Will Avoid Another Abusive Relationship

domestic violence recovery by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
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People say once a victim, always a victim. I beg to differ.

Over the years I have been watching men and women grow to become self-sufficient, self-respecting people who have no tolerance for being abused any more. These people have completely healed from domestic abuse.

How do you know if you are going to be one of these people versus the person that ends up in another abusive relationship? Here are some pointers for knowing you're home free when it comes to being victimized by intimate partner abuse...

1) You are more interested in being centered, than being right.

We know that abusers need to be "right." That's part of the dynamics of abusive relationships. Batterers maintain an unequal balance of power in these relationships, by always coming up on top--always being right.

Now if you have been in one of these tug-of-wars, you have experienced yourself struggling to be right as you duke with your bully. Whether you win or not; well that's another question. The point here is that you know this struggle and, from where you stand today, no way would you walk down that road.

2) You do not need to control others, nor will you be controlled by another person.

It's no secret that abuse is all about control. But most people think of the control only going one way. They assume abusive relationships are about one partner controlling another.

However, the only way these two people stay together is if both remain in the relationship. And the victimized partner generally hangs around hoping to change--fix--the other person, or at least serve up to his/her pleasing so as to keep a lid on their partner.

Between you and me, this positioning and maneuvering is privately about containing/controlling the other person's behavior with respect to oneself. The moment one awakens to the fact that it is not their job, nor is it within their means to control another, they stop actively seeking and privately hoping to do so.

3) You require being honored and respected in order to be involved.

When you discover this one in yourself, you are holding the gold! You can trust you will not end up in another abusive relationship.

And if you are completely clear about this concept, you will find yourself walking away from bullies on the job, bullies on your block, bullies in the world. You simply won't be bullied.

If you discover these three ways of being in yourself and with others, you are not likely to fall prey to another round of intimate partner abuse.

For more information about domestic violence recovery, read Psychological Healing from Domestic Abuse and Domestic Abuse Healing from Within. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people end and heal from domestic abuse. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com/psychological_healing.php Copyright 2009, Jeanne King, Ph.D.

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Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Abuse and Recovery
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.'s web site

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Books by this Author

Abused Men: How to Break the Cycle and Heal
Abused Men: How to Break the Cycle and Heal
Abused Men: How to Break the Cycle and Heal eBook offers help for battered men on how to recognize, end and heal from intimate partner abuse.

Abusers Can Change: End Spousal Abuse & Save Your Marriage
Abusers Can Change: End Spousal Abuse & Save Your Marriage
Yes, Abusers Can Change: End Spousal Abuse and Save Your Marriage eBook helps you and your partner identify, engage in and benefit from effective domestic violence treatment.

Contolling Intimate Relationships: Emotional, Sexual and Financial Control
Contolling Intimate Relationships: Emotional, Sexual and Financial Control
Controlling Intimate Relationships: Emotional, Sexual and Financial Control exposes the subjects all too often ignored and avoided in understating intimate partner abuse, including psychological, financial and sexual control. This new eBook release sheds light on the dynamics of controlling relationships: how to identify a controlling intimate relationship and break the cycle of abusive control.

Crazy Making Legal-Psychiatric Abuse: Signs and Prevention
Crazy Making Legal-Psychiatric Abuse: Signs and Prevention
Crazy-making legal psychiatric ploys torment domestic abuse survivors at home and in divorce court. Learn to identify and stop the devastating impact of crazy making legal-psychiatric abuse before it defines you and your children.

Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Breaking the Cycle
Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Breaking the Cycle
What is the psychology of ending domestic abuse? This ebook focuses on the personal and interpersonal issues that keep domestic abuse going and what breaks the cycle of abuse. It gives you the inner wisdom to accomplish your mission to end domestic abuse.

Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Identifying Abuse
Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Identifying Abuse
End your confusion about domestic abuse. In this ebook, you will see the social and psychological dynamics of domestic abuse….and learn how to identify abusive relationships and understand the dynamics that bind abusive relationships.

Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Vols I & II Identifying Abuse and Breaking the Cycle
Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Vols I & II Identifying Abuse and Breaking the Cycle
Understanding the dynamics of domestic abuse is the first step to recognizing the syndrome and breaking the cycle. This two volume set could change and save your life.

Domestic Abuse Healing from Within
Domestic Abuse Healing from Within
If you want your healing from domestic abuse to permeate every fiber of your being, this eBook is for you! It will show you the mechanics of your body’s natural self-repair, strategies for mending the mind and heart, and practical tips for reclaiming your life after an abusive relationship.

Domestic Abuse Healing: Vols I & II Psychological and Within
Domestic Abuse Healing: Vols I & II Psychological and Within
If you've been in an abusive relationship, you will want to know how to most effectively heal from an abusive relationship. This two volume set will mend the past and open new doors for your safety, health and well-being.

Domestic Abuse Needs Assessment
Domestic Abuse Needs Assessment
When it comes to domestic abuse, it's hard to know what we need, where to turn, and what awaits on the other side of verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse. Feel free to take this free needs assessment quiz to help you look deeper within and identify what's most pressing for you now.

Emotional Verbal Abuse: How to Recognize, Cope and Heal
Emotional Verbal Abuse: How to Recognize, Cope and Heal
Emotional verbal abuse is the most pervasive and common form of domestic abuse. Learn the signs of emotional abuse and how to stop verbal abuse before it spirals out of control. Emotional Verbal Abuse: How to Recognize, Cope and Heal helps you identify, stop and recover from emotional verbal abuse.

Family Violence and Legal Domestic Abuse
Family Violence and Legal Domestic Abuse
Far too often when you leave an abusive relationship, you go from the frying pan to the fire and don’t understand what’s going on until the damage is done. Learn to navigate the system before it’s too late.

Intimate Partner Abuse Screen
Intimate Partner Abuse Screen
The Intimate Partner Abuse Screen will help you identify Intimate Partner Violence instantly, accurately and anonymously.

Legal Domestic Abuse: How to Successfully Navigate the System
Legal Domestic Abuse: How to Successfully Navigate the System
Far to often when you think it should be coming to an end, your real war remains ahead: legal domestic abuse. This eBook will shed light on what you will want to know to successfully navigate the system in your route to safety for you and your children.

Prevent Abusive Relationships Membership
Prevent Abusive Relationships Membership
Prevent Abusive Relationships Membership offers resources helping women and men to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships, strategies for breaking the cycle of domestic violence, and the mechanics of ending and healing intimate partner abuse.

Psychological Healing for Domestic Abuse
Psychological Healing for Domestic Abuse
Weathering an abusive relationship can be psychologically debilitating. Healing the inner wounds, lingering scares and habits of victimization and conditioning in an abusive relationship is the theme of this healing gem.

Stop Domestic Abuse: Helping Others Break the Cycle
Stop Domestic Abuse: Helping Others Break the Cycle
How do I help her/him see the light? How do I help someone I care about awaken to the danger they live and deal with their circumstances in a way that serves their highest interest? This ebook will show you how.

z_All But My Soul: Abuse Beyond Control
z_All But My Soul: Abuse Beyond Control
This book has saved 1000's of battered women their children, their home, job, savings, and their sanity while navigating the system with family abuse.