5 Ways To Help You Live With Your Ex husband Or Wife!
The credit crunch destroyed a lot of lives and none were more affected than families that were contemplating a separation or divorce.
Divorcing couples looking to make a clean break found themselves tied to they're ex in a way they could never have predicted. They wanted to cut all ties with each other but were trapped by lack of money and a nationwide shortage of buyers for their home.
Their solution to this problem was to keep the family unit together until they could sell their home and afford two residences. Not such an easy prospect in these times of natural and financial disasters as easy to obtain finance and secure employment is a thing of the past.
Instead of waking up to a new life as a single man or woman they were confronted with the sight of their ex at the breakfast table drinking coffee before he or she left for work.
Every skill learned in the art of communication could not possibly prepare a person for this scenario while they contemplate the prospect of living closely with someone they would prefer not to anymore.
So how does a couple make the change from lovers to housemates?
In many cases not so well as the ongoing conflict between some individuals would continue on into their new living arrangement making life very uncomfortable for all concerned. A kind of cold war could ensue where both parties would either choose to completely ignore each other or fight like cat and dog
At the end of any relationship there are going to be unresolved feelings and emotions so for a family continuing to live together through this I suggest the following tips.
1. Separate rooms are a must as it gives personal space and a retreat for when tempers rise and arguments begin.
2. A daily schedule can be drawn up which outlines each persons responsibilities in the home. If you are able at the start to allocate duties such as the preparation of meals and who takes the kids to school it could avoid a lot of conflict. There could be a lot of changes here as each partner may be expected to do more in the way of house hold chores than before.
3. Boundary setting is a term used by marriage counselors but not often implemented. A boundary is a way of protecting yourself from anything you do not find acceptable. For example your ex husband informs you he is bringing his new girlfriend home even though you had both agreed you should not do this in front of the kids. By choosing to do this he is stepping over your boundary and disrespecting a decision made by you both. Without boundaries a relationship lacks a solid foundation because a partner can never feel valued for the choices they make. If as a separated couple you can embrace this concept there is no doubt you will both have less to argue about.
4. Now that you are separated how are you going to handle the family finances? You may be happy to leave things as they are if it is working well but as long as you are able to retain some financial independence. Since the recession many families have nothing left once they have paid the household bills and the rent or mortgage so in this case it is not an issue but in a home where both partners are working it may help to have a joint account only for the bills. Money is another cause of marriage and relationship break ups and the reason so many divorces get nasty. It is essential in any partnership to feel a sense of worth and the young mother who stays home with her baby and young child should be valued in monetary terms just as much as the man who is going out to work every day. This is marital money and it belongs to both parties not just the person bringing home the bacon. If you are separated the same rule of thumb applies.
5. Too many couples who are separated and living under the same roof can not let go of the past. This is to be expected as going into a relationship or marriage you have all your hopes and dreams pinned on making it a success. When the relationship fails it is very hard to accept and it is not unusual for people to want to hold on to what they had. Living in the same house with your ex will not be easy so looking ahead instead of back is the key to getting through. There are many different reasons why people are staying together when they are separated. It may be they are waiting to sell their home so they can move on or they have a business and children together. This growing trend is not likely to phase out in the near future, as it has become a safety valve for many families caught up in the devastating effects of the recession. This style of living has the potential to evolve into something more than a basic survival need.
For more information on how to live in the same house with your ex please read on.
If you want FREE Tips and Advice on How To Separate Or Divorce and remain Living Together in the same house. You'll find a wide variety of Techniques that I have personally tested and proven to work. Why not visit http://www.livingtogetherindivorce.com and grab my ebook. You could be paying off debt, selling your home and keeping the kids happy all within the next few weeks.
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Contact the AuthorLinda E Cole
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